Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Finding Balance is TRICKY!

I have a list of things I need to do right now but yay for me I am letting some of them go trying to take it easy...easier said than done... so I thought I would share an update of my health and life and why I am in this tricky situation.

You may know from a previous post how awesome I was feeling this summer!  I was better than I had been in years so of course, like most of you, when I feel good I do more!  I have added quite a bit to my plate besides working full-time as a mom: 3 kids in soccer (5 practices a week and games on Saturdays), piano, I am the Young Women President in our church- which means I am in charge of all the youth girls ages 12-18, teaching lessons and planning/carrying out activities, meetings to attend and people to serve.  I help coach volleyball at a high school, volunteered to teach PE at my girls' school on Fridays and of course I have my home business.

My husband wonders why I "complicate my life so much" by adding more things but I don't seem to see it that way.  I am an achiever, a goer, a doer and a perfectionist.  I like to help others, including my own family.  I was in a place I could barely survive, I couldn't do anything for anyone including myself so feeling good and having energy was so a breath of fresh air and I was going to seize the moment!  I am blessed to stay home with my kids, I do know that is the most important job I could have and I enjoy it... for the most part but lets' be honest here- do I get the same satisfaction from hearing "You are the meanest Mom EVER! I hate you!  Ewww GROSS, I am NOT eating that!" with screaming and crying and fighting, as I do, "Thank you so much for changing my life.  Thank you for helping me find confidence and health.  I cannot thank you enough for sharing this with me.  Thank you for coming to practice and helping us.  Thank you for teaching me.  You are great and we love having you a part of our program."  Uh no, I don't.  The reason I add things is because what I add is for ME!  I LOVE coaching and being involved in volleyball, it's who I am.  I love helping others build their health and confidence- these are things that I like, things that help me feel good, appreciated, and it builds me up.  We all need our cup filled, right!?

The problem here is that my mind and my body are on two different playing fields.  My mind, my emotions and desires tell me I CAN do ALL of this but my body disagrees.  My body has been through a traumatic injury and the stress and over-doing it has re-injured my vagus nerve, my  neurological system, which has put me in a downward spiral.  My fatigue is back with a vengeance- no matter how much I sleep I still feel exhausted.  My ears, my throat, my neck and head all bother me, my stomach is nauseated and my ambition is shot. This weekend was pretty tough and it hit me hard.  Lucky for me I have the nutrition that I need to keep me going, I have my sauna- oh my gosh can I just say how much I lOVE my sauna!  It is so wonderful to be able to sit in there and relax.  I can feel it healing my neck and head, I am able to meditate and think about my plan of action and how I am going to heal.  I KNOW what I need to do... I must step back, reduce the activities and the stress and not give my body more than it can handle-which to my mind is ridiculous.  It's the doing  that is tricky.  I have a hard time giving things up that I love and want in my life.  I have a hard time feeling physically restricted.  I don't like not being able to do what I want to do.  I sound like my kids, I know.  haha

So here are my options:  to apologize to those that I have committed to help and hope they understand so that I can step back and work on my health (again) OR  fall back into the dark place I was just a short time ago where I didn't know if I could even build my health.  The choice is pretty clear although it may be hard...but just like we tell our kids, "I can do hard things".  I have battled for my health and I will do it again but thankfully this time will be much easier since I know the road I am traveling.  Finding balance is tricky, isn't it!

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