Trial and Error, but is it REALLY an Error?

Trial and Error, but is it Really an Error?

I haven’t posted in a long time; I am working full time and busy with kids coaching their sports team or running them around, and playing Mom.  Time is passing quickly and I see the changes in my kids, which I love and I try to be a part of, even on days that I don’t feel well. I am also seeing and feeling changes in myself, and some are not what I have hoped for.

I am STILL riding the rollercoaster of health and have been feeling quite discouraged lately when I feel I am fighting an uphill battle with no end in sight.  I don’t understand why I keep going up and down, it doesn’t make sense to myself, my husband, or those close to me who know everything I do to keep myself healthy and on track.  I sit in my sauna a couple of times a week, I eat healthy -most of the time, there are days that I have a treat or eat something that isn’t as “clean” as it could be, but nothing too much that should send me into a tailspin.  I take supplements to aid in the areas that I need, I see naturopathic doctors for microscope blood tests to analyze my body, I get blood tests from traditional doctors to analyze my body and use both to find solutions to improve my health.  I have had IV Therapy sessions to infuse my body with tremendous amounts of vitamins, minerals and nutrition. I use Sue for the biofeedback when my body needs extra energy to heal. I listen to my body when I feel tired and I rest, not pushing myself even though I want to. I spend many nights on my couch resting when I have a list of other things I would rather or need to do to try to prevent the fatigue from lasting weeks instead of days.  I have tried for YEARS to create peace, health and balance in my body, but all of my efforts seem unable to sustain long-term health. WHY?

It was the middle of March and I was on a walk with a friend, who out of nowhere, mentioned the amount of women she knows who are getting explants- their breast implants removed.  This was not something we had ever talked about before so I didn’t know she had implants and she didn’t know I did, but obviously we both assumed each of us did have them it just wasn’t something we needed to discuss...until now.  She continued to tell me about articles she had read how sick implants are making women, how toxic they are and how thousands of women are explanting and feeling better. I was shocked. I couldn’t even talk, it was like I had run into a brick wall.  Somehow I managed to ask who some of the women were around here that she knew; I had to talk to them. My mind couldn’t stop, all I could think about was myself and wondering if this was the cause of my illness for years. I had in the past questioned if my implants could be a problem, but I hadn’t ever heard anything so I put my time and research into other solutions.  

I was nervous to message Stephanie, who lives here in Pocatello and explanted not too long ago, and ask if she would be willing to talk to me about her explant experience. I didn’t want to offend her or hurt feelings or bring it up if it was too personal, but I did it anyway, I had to.  After a couple of days with no response I began to worry that I had offended her, until she eased my mind and replied that she would be so happy to talk and share. We talked on the phone that night for an hour and a half and I immediately felt that this was something that I needed to research and do myself.  As nervous, scared, angry, sad as I was, I knew I needed to explant. Stephanie connected me to a couple of Facebook groups with over 70,000 women who have or are going through the exact same thing as me . Needless to say, I have been obsessed with these pages for the last month, reading stories, searching files, looking at before and after pictures, and connecting with others. If you know me, you know that I don’t mess around, once I make my mind up to do something, it is going to get done ASAP.  It’s a family trait and something that has been very beneficial for me throughout my life. I have recently visited with two doctors in Utah for consultations to explant and have found the doctor that I feel comfortable to do the procedure. It’s not cheap and not a simple procedure, but I know it’s right. May 8th is the day that I will remove these toxic bags that are hopefully the culprit for the years of illness.

For many, this won’t make sense, but for me, it all adds up.  Let me explain…

I kept this blog beginning a year or so after I became very sick, so I went back and traced some dates and the timing of events.  13 months after I had my fourth baby, Brinley, I got implants. I had “nice boobs” before babies, which seemed to be sucked dry after nursing them all (which I wouldn’t trade for anything).  I felt that to be loved and accepted by others (particularly my spouse even though he didn’t encourage me to get implants) as well as myself, I needed to have nice breasts and body. Thank you society for sending this message at a young age.  Six months after having my implants is when I became VERY ILL without many people knowing. I rapidly declined, you can read the first post in my blog “My Story to Tell” which explains my symptoms and the beginning of my nightmare. I have battled the last SEVEN 1/2 years, trying to be the healthy, strong, active person I was before.  Most people don’t have a clue what I have tried to restore my health. Most people don’t have a clue that nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY for SEVEN DAMN YEARS I haven’t felt well and that I put my happy face on when I go to work, church or any outing, and just “get my crap done”. I try to enjoy life, I coach my kids in sports, I try to be the best teacher, wife, mom, friend, person I can, but I fight it every day.  Some days I do feel okay and have more energy and ready to go, but most I don’t. Most days no matter what I do or don’t eat, my stomach feels bloated, like it’s going to explode, nauseous, it’s loud for no reason and I look 7 months pregnant by the end of the day. My weight fluctuates up and down and I am having a hard time keeping it off despite my efforts. My food intolerances have gotten worse each year.  My cholesterol is dangerously low because I am not absorbing healthy fat which in turn affects my hormones. I eat healthy fats- coconut oil, avocado, nuts and seeds (cashews-raw and organic-seem to do better for me than almonds)- there is no reason for this. My vision is blurry, I am in a brain fog daily, I am fatigued and just want to lay down. My ears feel like there is constant pressure and they are going to burst.  It hurts. I get headaches, joint aches and my legs feel like they have lead in them. All of this gets worse as each month passes and nobody can figure it out. I teach Yoga twice a day at the school and do the workouts with the kids, and some days it wipes me out.

About 3.5 weeks ago I couldn’t sleep because I had a pain in my right armpit/breast.  I woke up frequently wondering what was going on. It has bothered me since and wakes me up during the night regularly.   If you know me, you know I am super active, productive, highly driven and motivated, but each day is a struggle and I am tired of it.  I DON’T want to live like this anymore, so if there is a chance that removing my implants will provide healing and improve my health, I am going to try it.  I’ve done about everything else and the battle rages on, so the only thing I’ve got to lose is some money and some fake boobs, which I don’t even care about anymore!  

Honestly, I am mentally prepared for this, I feel peace and have conversations with my body asking for forgiveness for what I have put it through and for healing and health as I prepare for this procedure.    If it doesn’t provide instant relief, I have come to the conclusion and acceptance that it will be beneficial and pay off one way or another. I don’t have to get new implants or worry about more surgeries, I am releasing toxicity from the implants- because let’s be honest-they are toxic and are a breeding ground for bacteria and mold to flourish.  It WILL help and I WILL benefit. I am very optimistic that this will provide at least 50% healing, if not more in time. 8 years in means it could take at least 8 months to detox and heal. I am ready.

Most of you know that I am not one to care what others say or think about the path that I choose to take in my life.   It is my life, my journey and I know what is best for me. I am my own advocate, I know myself and my body best. This is no different.  You may disagree, you may choose to ignore or even call me crazy (I am crazy and I embrace it), I respect your opinion for yourself and hold no hard feelings.  Each person is on their own journey and the beauty of it is that we get to decide what works best for us. I hope you have the courage to do the same on your journey.  I will keep you posted as I release, let go and move on with healing in many ways. They say “trial and error”, but I look at the path I’ve taken as trial and learn, step by step, line upon line, learning, living and gaining knowledge and experiences along the way becoming better with each one.  10 days and counting. Let’s do this.

Where Am I Now?

WHAT? Nine months since my last post...oops!  Time is flying and I've been busy working on improving the world!  Okay, maybe not the world, but myself!  So where am I with my health and my life nearly a year later?  Let me tell you.
I just re-read My Story that I shared at the beginning of my blog about the hardest time of my life, experiencing Lyme Disease at it's finest.  As I read it the feelings I felt during that time flooded my mind and I became emotional for two reasons. 1- I remember how hard that time was for me and I questioned daily if I would ever be able to live an active, symptom free lifestyle.  2- I know how far I've come not just physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually at this time.  This experience truly changed who I am.

I am more accepting of myself; more patient, positive, kind and loving to ME.  I like to say that I am "perfectly imperfect".  There is always something that could be improved, always someone who will be better or look better than me but dwelling on that will not make me happier.   I accept my flaws, work on imperfections, release the negative and constantly pray for help and acceptance- the naughty voice that likes to get in my head tries to remind me regularly about my imperfections and insecurities to take me back to the days when I wasn't so accepting of myself.  I have brought more light into my life and my mind and it has made a big difference in my parenting, my relationship with God, friends, my husband and those I serve.

I can enthusiastically say that I DO have an active lifestyle once again!  My fitness level is not where it once was (that couldn't be from aging, right?!) and I will be honest and say that it does bother me at times but I am able to go to the gym for regular work outs, I am able to play volleyball (not as long, often or intense as my college days but more than I have been able to for years yet it still frustrates me that I can't play everyday without being sore and needing rest) I can ride my bike, work in the yard and do most activities.  I try to push myself to improve my fitness level but when I push too hard my body reminds me that isn't a good idea.  I will get tired and sore and have to take a day or two off to regroup; I am working on being patient and understanding and gratitude for what I CAN do ( I said working on it, meaning a work in progress)!  I thank my body often for the health I have, the strength,  talents, abilities and gifts I do have and I know this helps.  Have you ever thought of thanking your body?  Try it!

I'd like to say that  my eating is as clean as it was a year and a half ago but that wouldn't be truthful.  I eat clean, cook clean, have my shakes daily but again, there is room for improvement.  I will indulge in a treat too often, eat gluten too often or have more than I need and my body will again remind me it doesn't agree and I have to be good again.  Eating can be so tricky, can't it?  Food is an addiction and it's something that I have struggled with my whole life....but that's another story for another time!  I do my best to not worry about the "bad days", throw a cleanse day in to get me back on track and move forward with motivation to do better, and I do, until I lose focus again.  Here's the big difference though- when I use to go through this cycle I would beat myself up and have a lot of emotional stress which made it worse, now I recognize the mistake, brush it off, talk myself off the ledge (lol) and move on.  That is huge PROGRESS for me and it's all because of the work I've done on my mind!  So powerful!

Speaking of the mind and power- I, along with two other amazing women, just launched a website called transformedmom.com.  It is all about transforming the body, MIND and spirit and has been a part of what is keeping me busy!  We wanted to share how we have improved our lives and provide resources for others to use when they are ready to change theirs.  You should check it out, we are pretty proud of it and hope that you will find even just one thing that can help  you begin or continue your own transformation.  

Life is what I make it.  It's gonna be good!!

Healing More Than I Ever Thought Possible. The Emotion Code.

It has been almost 2.5 years since I became very sick and began my journey to find a way to heal.  I felt I was in the depths of my own hell- unable to remember things, unable to be active, work out or even take care of things around the house without being completely exhausted and sick.  It wasn't me or the life I wanted. I was determined that I was not going to live like this the rest of my life so it began...my battle to health. Thankfully I was blessed with a strong will, determination and some fight to keep me moving past all the nay sayers, non believers in what I was doing and those who are still blinded by their own eyes and aren't open to new ideas other than theirs.

The past 4 years have been the most challenging time of my life and I would not want to go through it again but at the same time I wouldn't change it.  Any of it.  Through my trial, my searching, I have gained tremendous knowledge in my body, in nutrition and health in ways that were once unknown to me.  I have found knowledge in natural healing modalities that make sense to me and work for me.  I am my own health advocate, I am the only one who knows what I am feeling and what does or does not work for me and that is powerful.

I have found FAITH greater than I ever knew I had and a better understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that He suffered so that I could be healed.  He suffered that I would have someone to turn to who knew what I was going through- every single emotion, hurt and pain- He knows, understands and is able to take it away.  I just have to ask and believe.

I have become a stronger woman mentally and emotionally,  kinder to myself- my insecurities have lessened and my appreciation for my strengths and who I am have increased.  I am more confident now than I ever have been before.  As my confidence has grown my strength to stand up for what I believe no matter what it is or even to just be who I am has become empowering.  I am who I am and do what I do, no matter what people say and I am good with it- I don't care if they think I am weird or crazy or whatever, I am ME and I LOVE WHO I am becoming: a better me!

I am more empathetic to others and have a deeper desire to help those who are looking for answers to health but also help to find the person inside who they know they can be and want to be. For this reason I share my story and I share these new methods of healing I have learned, that have been  placed in my life to help others.

Everything that I have done in my battle for my health I have been led to, usually by another person placed in my life to share what I was suppose to do next.  My ears, my mind and my heart are open, I want to be led because I know that God knows better than I what I need.  I have tried many healing methods to improve my health and I want to share a little story that led me to a wonderful new idea.

I was talking to my mom a month or two ago and said, "I know that what I am doing right now is right and everything that I have done has been right and that I have been led to it...but I feel there is still something I am missing and I don't know what it is."  We continued our conversation and hung up.
The next day I received a message from a high school friend telling me she heard I had struggled with  my health and she had found something that has helped her.  I called her that night and we talked for hours- what had helped her was exactly what I was looking for.  She told me about The Emotion Code - how our past emotions get trapped in our body and are the reason for some of our mental and emotional struggles but also physical problems as well.  I knew it was my answer to what I needed next and have been even more convinced as I have read the book, had Dr. Nelson call me as a volunteer on his webinar and pinpoint emotions that I had as well as going to holistic healers working with me to release these trapped emotions.  AMAZING!
What I have experienced from this is unbelievable to some but real to me- some of the pains I have felt that have been ongoing for years are diminishing, even my chiropractor at my last session was amazed at how good my back and neck were when usually they are very stiff- both things I have noticed a difference in.  My gut which I have struggled with for years and currently was having a particular problem with has felt better.  My mood is different, I am more calm and patient and some of my insecurities have been replaced with confidence.  Talk about a blessing and answer for myself, my family and many others who are ready.

Call me crazy...I don't care because it works for me, I am happier, I am healthier and I am going to keep on doing exactly what I KNOW IS RIGHT FOR ME.  I love it!  I love that with trials  comes strength.  The trials are a challenge, it is called a trial for a reason and I can't say I enjoy it but what I do enjoy is growing as a person and becoming better, happier, stronger.  It is a building block in life that is essential to growth.

I am blessed to have people in my life who understand who I really am and what my true intentions are, my goals in life are, who support me and love me even when things sound crazy to them.  I love when I find someone who really listens, who gets what I feel and especially who are as crazy as I am!  Isn't is awesome to know you've got people in your corner that will stand with you?!  I've got some pretty phenomenal people in my life and thanks to them I can be who I am.

If you want to hear more about the Emotion Code I would love to talk and share this with you.

Methods of Healing I Used

I have had a lot of people ask me what I have used to fight my Lyme Disease. Typically I send an email or talk to them over the phone to discuss the protocol that I used.  I feel it would be beneficial for myself as well as many others if I had a post where it was written down to share, so here it is to the best of my knowledge (because Lymies know how bad it messes with our memory!):

**I had been using Nutrition Cleansing for 1 year prior to becoming ill and was in the process of cleaning up our diet even better than I thought it was.

-Quantum Biofeedback: energy work done from a machine that reads every panel of the body and can  send energy to the exact area that needs to be healed.  CRUCIAL in healing.
        *I started out going weekly, bi-weekly, once a month, every other month, when needed over the            course of 2 years and 5 months which is now.
-2 doses of doxycycline to make sure I did everything I could to get rid of the bacteria.

-I started out on the 9 day deep cleanse with Isagenix: release toxins, input nutrition to build immune system.

Following 9 day this was my regimen for close  to 1.5 years (and still is close to what I do now):

2 IsaLean Shakes a day with kale and 1/2 kiwi in it
Healthy lean meal of organic, clean chicken, fish, pork; veggies, fruit (limited)
1 oz Ionix Supreme in am and 1 oz. pm
1 cleanse day per week.  Daily Cleanse for Life 1 oz. am 1oz. pm
Product B or Ageless Essentials with Product B
Any supplements that my body needed from my nature path
Digestive enzymes and probiotics

Dairy free (except my shakes), sugar free, gluten free for 1.5 years (still work on doing now but not as strict)


I would nap and rest when needed.  Took off from the gym for over a month then only go when I feel good.
Far Infrared Sauna (I used my nature path's until I bought my own)
Foot Detox- occasionally
Chiropractor weekly
Essential Oils
Colon Therapy
Colon Cleanse
Prayer
Priesthood blessings and my faith in God and Jesus Christ that I can be healed.

My most recent find that I have been introduced to is The Emotion Code/ The Body Code.  If you have not heard of this you need to buy the book, read it, google an Emotion Code Practitioner in your area and go for a session- it is amazing and will change your life and your healing!  My next post will be about this and my experience in finding it.

Herxheimer Reaction...What in the world is it?

Have you ever felt fatigue, nauseous, brain fog, lack of motivation?  Have you heard of the Herxheimer Reaction or herx or even herxing?  Here's an explanation that I found on a Lyme Disease page explaining it.  Sidenote- you can experience this for many reasons, not just from Lyme Disease:
The technical definition for a Herxheimer Reaction (i.e., herxing or die off) is the release of endotoxins from the destroyed cell walls of the bacteria responsible for Lyme Disease, Borrelia Burgdorferi, that causes an additional inflammatory response (i.e., debilitating physical and mental state) contingent to the amount of endotoxins released, which is directly correlated to the amount of Lyme bacteria killed (i.e., lysed).

In layman’s terms, a person with chronic Lyme Disease who is experiencing a Herxheimer Reaction has recently killed an amount of Lyme bacteria worthy of causing them to enter a debilitating physical and mental state in which their already present symptoms become exacerbated. They feel as horrible as the amount of Lyme bacteria that have been killed. The more Lyme bacteria that are killed, the more endotoxins that are released. Endotoxins are released from the Lyme bacteria’s cell wall when its cell wall is destroyed by either antibiotics or the immune system. The more endotoxins that are released, the greater the body’s inflammatory response is in order to control the pernicious nature of these endotoxins. It is chronic inflammation that is responsible for much of the symptoms a person with chronic Lyme Disease experiences and a flood of endotoxins only increases it. Having understood that premise, it should now make sense that because people with chronic Lyme Disease have ever-present symptoms, they have chronic inflammation.

Here's the article where you can read more:  Herx article

I have been experiencing some herxing the past week and a half as I have been doing an 11 day deep cell body cleanse, particularly on my cleanse days.  My body is fatigued (not fatigued like I haven't slept but fatigued like I have worked out so hard and so long that I don't ever want to do anything again nor can I, but I haven't). I lack motivation, my head and neck (vagus nerve) hurt, my stomach is uneasy and nauseous, my joints ache, my vision isn't clear and my brain is foggy. Saying that, the level of discomfort is far less than it was 2 years ago when I was going through this and my Lyme was just being fought for the first time and I am so grateful.

You are probably asking why I would cleanse if this makes me feel so crappy, right?  I will tell you without hesitation that cleansing and detoxing the body is the best way to rid the inflammation in the body and release the dead bacteria fast, balance the pH in the body and build healthy new cells.   Once I get through this I start feeling good again, my energy increases and my ability to work out and live life is greater than it was before.  I am releasing a lot of toxins and not just toxins but toxic fat so of course the other side effect of losing some inches (and weight but I never get on the scale so I don't even know what I weigh) is great.

I know a lot of people who experience the Herxheimer Effect when they cleanse- they feel tired and sluggish and they don't like it so they don't ever want to cleanse again.  What they aren't realizing is that their body is working so hard to release toxins that have built up for years and years and deep nutritional cleansing is the only way to release it quickly and less expensive than other medical therapies.  They are doing their body a huge favor and it will thank them sooner than later. 

I woke up at 5:45 am this morning because I was awake and ready to go.  I started thinking about how I was feeling: I could feel my head and neck were still a little sore, my stomach is uneasy (I also have to note that it is my time of the month which also has an effect on my body AND I got biofeedback on Tuesday which adds to the soreness and fatigue which is healing it but adds temporary discomfort) and I thought of the herx reaction.  I hadn't heard of it before I found out I have Lyme but I sure had felt it before so I thought I would get up and share this information with you as I am going through it.  Maybe it will help someone else realize what they are experiencing and realize that it is a good thing and necessary to go through to help the body heal.  

I am on my second round of deep cleanse days, day 4/4 and hoping that by later today or tomorrow I am feeling great.  Sometimes hope and faith are what get me through the tough days so I will keep on hoping!  

Strength From Others

I have had the opportunity to talk to many people around the US- friends, family and total strangers who have or are suffering from Lyme Disease or some kind of illness.  A couple things I learn from each conversation is this: we all have the desire to fight our battle and support the other in theirs, knowledge of other health and healing options and the most powerful is the strength that I get from hearing their stories and advice.

My friend I have met since moving here has fought breast cancer and conquered it but recently found that her cancer is back.  Though her future is uncertain she has the most POSITIVE, AMAZING attitude and is a ray of sunshine to everyone she comes in contact with.  She is working on fighting her battle with a natural approach and it has been inspiring to chat with her and collaborate on ideas.  She is a fighter and I am blessed to have her as a friend and inspiration.

I was at my Grandma's funeral last week (the only good thing about a funeral is the reunion) and I was able to talk to my cousin Brittany who I learned has been challenged with chronic fatigue.  We both knew how each other felt and the frustrations it brings.  I was amazed at her positive energy and how she has responded to her trial and was so grateful that although we don't want to go through hard times, we were able to connect and build each other up.  She gave me a new light and reminded me that it's okay to take it easy, it's okay to not be perfect- I don't have to be Wonder Woman and to feel empowered in what I have learned and who I have become through this journey.  Thank you Britt!

Everyone goes through some kind of trial and I think for the most part we would all take our own over somebody else's.  The wonderful thing is that we have each other to learn from, lean on and be strengthened by.  Thank you to the many people who have been a support and strength to me- I hope I can be the same to you.

Keep on Fighting

As you know from my last post I had a little bit of a relapse which brings A LOT of frustration but also reminds me of what is important and gets me back on track.

It has been about 4 weeks and I am doing better, not great like I was in the summer, but good.  I stepped back on a few less important things in my life and I took time off from the gym, more that I like, I feel my muscles shrinking and honestly I don't like that. I love to have muscle and some definition and I was really starting to build my legs.  It had been a long time since I was able to lift hard and because of the muscle growth my pants starting fitting tight in my legs.  NO I am not complaining about that...okay once in a while I would ask myself if my pants had always been this tight and question if it was fat or muscle- but since I don't get on the scale EVER (hallelujah that is a burden off my shoulders!) I don't know my weight, what I do know is my waist didn't get tighter just my legs, so I am good in the hood!  Now my pants are loose in the legs and I feel them more soft...AAAHHH I don't like that but for now I have to be okay with it- it just gives me something to work on when I get back to the gym.  Right?!

Back to working out...I have only intentionally exercised about 4 times in the last 4 weeks because every dang time I would work out I would be fatigued the rest of the day.  I remember those days when I first got sick so I allow myself to rest and take it easy without being too critical of the softness occurring in my body.   GULP.

I am eating well again, I will admit I got a little loose and ate more sugar than my body was use to, which doesn't help the situation...sometimes it is really challenging to eat so clean all the time but in order to feel good I have to eat good.   Really good.  I am proud of myself, I just completed a 2 day cleanse yesterday and boy does that help.  I haven't done a 2 day in a long time, only 1 day-er's and I needed that deep cleanse.  My body feels good, my mind feels good and I won't complain that I lost over an inch on my waist, it feels flat.  Cleanse days can be challenging but they are totally worth it.  Cleanse days also help me get back on track with my eating and since the sugar is cleaned out on day 1 of the 2 my cravings for sugar are gone.  Parasites LOVE sugar and it feeds them so more sugar in the body, more nasty parasites and the worse I feel.  I don't even know why I eat sugar anymore, actually I do it tastes so good, but every time I eat it I get a headache and feel my energy drained instantly.  I don't like feeling that way but it goes to show how addicting and damaging sugar is.

Speaking of addicting, I think I am addicted to sports.  I LOVE sports.  I LOVE coaching and LOVE being involved in or attending athletics.  Soccer is over and volleyball is almost over which will be good for my healing but not for my heart.  Yay for basketball.  Athletics are such a good thing to be involved in for anyone- it builds character, teaches team work, hard work and a lot of life skills.  That is why I love coaching, I want to help others be the best they can be and teach them important lessons they can learn and use for the rest of their lives.  Fall has been beautiful and I am not looking forward to winter.

Winter.  Oh boy.  Does the change of seasons and change in barometric pressure affect anyone else with Lyme or similar illness?  I would love to know how others feel.  My body seems to be a little off when the weather changes- I don't look forward to winter and the cold.  I like the sun and vitamin D.

Through the frustrations of having down times in my health I find that inner fight to get back to feeling great.  I am reminded to put things aside that aren't as important in the big picture, focus on what is important and really listen to my body.  I am making progress and I am going to keep fighting because my health is worth it!  Why does life have to be so challenging sometimes?  :)